I feel like my parents when I say, “I can’t believe how fast life is going.” It feels like Scott and I just had babies running around the house. Now we have young adults, some who are married and starting their own families.
As Scott and I look at our relationship, we realize how important it is to make every day count. We don’t want to simply co-exist or become comfortable with where we are. We want to keep growing closer to the Lord and each other. We want to take our marriage from good to great!
The enemy would love to destroy the family—especially Christian families. We see marriages struggling all around us, including marriages within the church. As believers, we should be intentional about protecting and strengthening our marriages.
Great marriages don’t just happen. They require intentionality, prayer, grace, and work. Ideally, both partners are striving toward the same goal. In your restored marriage, you may sometimes feel discouraged because progress isn’t happening as quickly as you hoped, but hold on. Rebuilding a marriage happens one day at a time.
Some days, you may feel like you are putting more effort into the relationship. On other days, your spouse may be the one encouraging the growth. Then there will be those great days when you are both heading in the same direction. Praise God for those moments.
Here are areas my husband and I work on in our own marriage, and I hope they can help strengthen yours as well.
- Offer grace – God has extended grace that we don’t deserve. As I cherish that thought, I am reminded that He calls me to extend grace to others.
You can offer grace to your spouse by showing patience, kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. Jesus has so much patience with me, yet I sometimes fail to show patience to my husband. There may be wounds that are still healing. Offering grace doesn’t mean those hurts never happened. It means choosing to respond in a way that reflects Christ while you walk through the healing process. Do you need to forgive your spouse? How can you show your spouse kindness today?
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6
- Take your thoughts captive – There is a reason the Bible talks about the battle that rages in our minds (2 Corinthians 10:4-5).
Our emotions are a powerful force, but we have to recognize that sometimes we can let them guide us in dangerous ways. Do you find that a minor annoyance with your spouse can turn into something huge through your thought pattern? I have caught myself doing the dishes while I let my mind run wild, replaying some frustration I had with my husband. Before long, one small irritation has grown into full-blown anger, and he may not even have a clue I was upset.
We need to ask the Lord to help us take our thoughts captive, so we don’t fall into the trap of being governed by our emotions.
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. Colossians 3:2
- Nurture your friendship with your spouse – Think back to your early days of dating. You probably enjoyed talking, laughing, and spending time together. Don’t allow the busyness of life, or the pain of past hurts, to steal that friendship.
Make your relationship a priority. Go on dates, laugh together, and find common interests. If it feels like it’s been quite a while since you viewed your spouse as a friend, rebuilding that friendship may take time.
Take the first step. Start small. Take a walk together and talk, or sit outside after dinner without your phones.
Is it hard to laugh together? Find a Christian comedian on YouTube and watch the videos together. Send a text message in the middle of the day with an inside joke. Does your spouse enjoy cooking? Sign up for a couples cooking class. Find ways to do things outside the norm to rebuild that friendship.
A strong marriage doesn’t happen because two imperfect people finally get everything right. It grows as we allow the Lord to change us, teach us, and help us become more like Him.
Ask the Lord to expose areas in your heart that need attention. Instead of focusing first on where your spouse needs to change, pray, “Lord, what do You want to change in me?”
God bless,
