Could You Be Friends with Your Prodigal?

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.  2 Corinthians 1:3-4 

Would you be willing to take the opportunity to minister to your prodigal spouse through friendship?

This subject surfaced one Sunday afternoon. I was thumbing through one of Charlyne’s notebooks, entitled “Miracles,” which she has filled with emails and letters. Although it didn’t address the topic I was researching, I paused and carefully read an email I received that  began, “My broken and hurting husband called and asked if we could be friends.” That wounded wife described the tragic circumstances of her family. Since leaving home, her prodigal husband had lost the other person, his job, his finances, and his health. He called that standing wife, not seeking reconciliation but to ask if they might be friends.

What would your reaction be if your prodigal spouse called in the next minute to ask if you could “just be friends?” Would you agree without delay or launch into a litany about unfaithfulness, unrepentance, and unforgiveness? Would joy be evident in your voice, or would you waste that opportunity from God to lay down ground rules and boundaries?

Many of our personal messages of encouragement have expressed appreciation for “Bob’s perspective as a prodigal.” I feel led to share more from that perspective with you today.

It is miserable being a prodigal. It is lonely being a prodigal. It isn’t very comfortable being a prodigal. Our only friends are those who feel we can do something for them. We are as counterfeit as smeared ink on a new twenty-dollar bill, and we know it.

Our spouse thinks it is about sex. We know it is really about shame. Our spouse thinks it is about the good life. We know it is really about the guilty life. Our spouse thinks it is about new friends. We know it is really about lost friends. Our spouse thinks it is about what we left home seeking. We know it is really about what we left at home and lost. Our spouse thinks it is about walking away from God. We know it is really about trying to hide from God.

“But my prodigal is so happy,” someone is countering. Yes, your prodigal may appear to be “happy” because that is the front we prodigals must demonstrate to the world. How much happiness can come from being separated from the inseparable, a covenant spouse, walking away from the home, family, community, almost everything in a former life, and attempting to start all over with a replacement spouse? Until you can hear your prodigal mate’s heart, not simply their words, you cannot determine their happiness.

Why should you now hate the same person who you once stood with before God and were joined in marriage? “Because of what they have done” is not an answer. Those tricks are being put together not by your spouse but by the evil one himself. Your anger needs to be directed toward Satan and not taken out on your spouse.

Following my 1996 stroke, my entire left side was paralyzed. I was in rehab, attempting to regain the use of my lifeless arm and leg. I soon learned in physical therapy not to refer to my left limbs as my “bad arm” or “bad leg.” Every therapist would deliver the same reply, “What has that arm/leg ever done to you? It’s not bad; it’s only weak right now, but that will change.” (By the way, this message is being typed with two hands because everything returned. Is there a message here for you?)

Assume with me that you have received a second phone call. This one is from a person (of the same sex) whom you greatly admire. The caller says, “I am wondering if we could be friends.” You would undoubtedly be flattered and start making plans with that other person. Why, then, can’t you be friends with your covenant mate?

Charlyne and I pray you will always be ready to be friends with your wayward mate. That might be the avenue the Lord is using to bring the one you love back to their Heavenly Father and a praying family.

We try to be transparent in these daily devotionals, so you understand we weren’t perfect. You will read about Bob’s blunders and Charlyne’s capers while we were apart. May you learn from our mistakes and always stand ready to renew a friendship with the one you love.

If you are standing with God and praying for the restoration of your marriage, you have found the keys to faith, hope, peace, and so much more. What better person to share it with than your prodigal spouse? You can discover a friend in your mate.

Let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance.  Proverbs 1:5 

Because He lives,