Mark 10 Nine

Are you happily married and looking for tips on maintaining a God-honoring marriage? This weekly devotional will give you encouragement for your marriage.

Handling Unmet Expectations in Marriage

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.  Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.  1 Peter 4:8-9

Can you think of a time when you realized that you had some unmet expectations in your marriage? You may not have even realized you had an expectation until it wasn’t met and the emotions started appearing.

It could have been the anniversary that passed without a special date night or gift. It could even be as simple as pouring your heart out to your spouse after a difficult day and not hearing the reaction you had hoped for.

Expectations in marriage exist. We need to realize that our spouses are not mind readers. When you expect a quiet dinner at home on a Friday night to decompress from the week, they may think you want to go out and be in a large crowd. We must give our spouses grace as we continue learning about each other.

Unmet expectations can cause conflicts in marriage if you aren’t intentional about communicating. Those same unmet expectations can lead to the exposure of many emotions.

When I was growing up, my dad would get frustrated over the house not being tidy. He was a very organized person, and he could not understand why the rest of the family was not the same way.

After many years of marriage, my parents realized their differences. My dad realized that my mom didn’t see things like he did. Neither of them was necessarily right or wrong, but they were different. When he walked into a room and saw a mess, my mom would walk into the same room and not see any issues.

In time, they began to understand one another and figure out ways to communicate their differences, which led to their emotions being under control.

Love your spouse enough to seek to understand their feelings. If you shut down and don’t take the time to hear each other out, you will never gain traction in understanding your spouse’s heart. Disappointment after disappointment from unmet expectations can lead to a bitter spirit. Communicating together will help you know each other’s expectations and decide if they are realistic and able to be fulfilled.

My husband and I are in the middle of a marriage Bible study with a small group. It has been incredible, but my favorite part is the weekly homework assignment. We are given three questions to discuss together. Every week, these questions spur on conversations that we have often never had. We have the chance to talk about our upbringing and how that impacts our marriage and our expectations in different areas. Those conversations are needed.

I encourage you to take the suggestion to communicate seriously. Listen to your spouse and don’t just listen so you can respond but seek to understand their opinion.

As you both communicate your expectations in areas of your life, such as chores, intimacy, family relationships, outside influences, careers, and others, I pray that you will begin to see expectations met and your relationship strengthened as you grow together towards Christ.

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.  Ecclesiastes 4:12

God bless,



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