How To Be Intentional in Your Marriage

May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you.  1 Thessalonians 3:12

Is it possible to have marriages that don’t get sucked into the mundane? Life can be hectic. There may be times when it may feel like you and your spouse are not acting like a couple, but instead, two managers of a great enterprise called your family. Discussions on paying the bills, who needs to be picked up at what time, or discussing dinner do not count as a meaningful encounter with your spouse. It is necessary to connect with our spouse on an intimate level if we don’t want the routines of life to take the joy out of our marriage.

I hope your spouse is your best friend, but it can’t stop at that. You can’t just be friends. Keeping emotional intimacy alive in your marriage takes effort. Here are some ways to be intentional and reconnect as a couple.

Conversation is Vital

Each day, we need to have meaningful conversations and touch to keep the connection alive. I heard one couple say they strive for a 7-second hug each day and a 5-second kiss (at a minimum). There are ways to insert meaningful conversations during the chaos of everyday life.

I love the boxed conversation starters. I found ours on Amazon. It is a deck of cards with one question on each. We grab a card or two before date night or when we need to talk about something other than real life.

Here are some good conversation starters:

• • Would you like to travel more or less than we do now?
  • What is your idea of a perfect date?
  • What was the best part of your day?
  • If you had $5,000 you must spend, how would you spend it
  • What would our ideal life be like in 5, 10, and 20 years?

It doesn’t take long, but it is a great way to connect and talk about things that may not typically be discussed. It is an opportunity to dream.

Date Ideas

Dating your spouse is essential, but in certain seasons of life, it can feel impossible. Here are some simple ideas that work with most schedules and budgets.

• • Go for a drive – During last year’s lockdown, my hubby and I went on many drive dates. We would pick up food, eat in the car and drive around our beautiful city. We found new restaurants we wanted to try and had the chance to have uninterrupted conversations. Don’t let a lack of time or money stop you from meaningful time alone with your spouse.
  • Take turns planning the date – Usually, in a relationship, there is one planner. Instead of making that person always responsible for the outing, take turns planning your nights out. Be creative!
  • Lunch Date – Meeting your spouse for lunch is a great way to connect mid-day. If the kids are in school, you also save money on babysitter costs.
  • At Home Date – Make a nice dinner (or order in) and find a movie to watch. Turn the lights down and pick up the room you are going to be cuddling in. Nothing ruins a home date night like staring at a pile of clothes that need to be folded or toys that need to be picked up.

Emotional Needs

We all have emotional needs that we want our spouses to be aware of and speak into. Emotional needs are things like financial security, communication, feeling loved, and feeling desired, amongst other things.

When emotional needs aren’t met, it can cause a spouse to become bitter. Speak to your spouse and share your emotional needs. You may want your spouse to be your protector when it comes to outside schedules. Your spouse may prefer to know you want to spend quality time together by playing a game.

Be willing to reach outside of your preferences to meet the needs of your spouse. You may even find a new hobby that you enjoy!

Regardless of how you choose to spend your time with your spouse, be intentional. Good relationships don’t just happen. They take work. Be willing to invest the time and energy into your marriage and watch it bloom.

Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Philippians 4:5

God bless,