Restored and Redeemed

Has your marriage been restored? Restored & Redeemed is a devotional for those in a restored marriage.

How To Be Rebuild Intimacy in Your Marriage

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.  Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  I say this as a concession, not as a command. 1 Corinthians 7:3-6

It finally happened! That restoration that you had been praying for is here, and your spouse is home, sleeping in the bed beside you. Now what?

Now, you both get to face the reality of healing both emotionally and physically. You get to begin the lifelong process of loving and forgiving each other and rebuilding the intimacy in your marriage. Remember my mom’s famous phrase, “Once a stander, always a stander!” Don’t ever stop praying for your marriage, especially in the area of intimacy.

God is a healer. He can not only restore your marriage, but He can restore the intimacy that was damaged during your time apart. Physical intimacy is more than just the act of sex. It is about caring for the soul of your partner. That takes time and energy. It is something that every married couple will continually learn until death.

You need to recognize that the enemy will not let up on working to destroy your marriage. One way that happens is with a lack of intimacy. As you both work together to put your past behind you, it will take openness and honesty with each other for healing.

There may have been another intimate relationship that took place during your time apart. There may have been other sinful addictions. Each spouse needs to understand that healing can come, but it takes work to regain that emotional and physical intimacy.

One step to regaining intimacy is to strengthen your friendship. Talk to each other. Pray together. Let God begin to tear down any walls that have been built up around intimacy.

If pornography has been an issue in your marriage, talk about it together. Decide on boundaries that can be set up in your marriage. That may be through protective apps on a phone, an accountability partner, or a community that can help you walk towards healing. There is no room in a marriage for pornography. Don’t believe the lie that pornography will be a tool to heighten your sexual experience. It is not. It is a tool that will only cause further destruction. 

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.  Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Sex is wonderful. It was created by God and is a beautiful way to connect with your spouse, but it takes work. Don’t read that and think, “Ugh, it is hard work.” If you never give time and attention to your spouse, you are missing out on a blessing for yourself in meeting their needs. Don’t ever give up the desire to work at making your intimacy a priority. Men, does your wife like non-sexual touch? If so, make it a point to hold her hand, hug her, kiss her on your way out for work.

Ladies, do you make intimate time with your spouse a priority? Does your husband feel like there is nothing left for him at the end of the day? What can you both do to make that change? There will be seasons where life is going to overrule sexual intimacy, but don’t let those brief seasons become routine.

If you were the spouse who was gone, understand that it may take months (or even years) of reassurance to build up trust and security in your spouse again. Be patient with the process and be willing to affirm doubts when they creep in. For example, if pornography has been an issue, don’t get angry when your spouse asks, “Are you remaining pure in that area?” As a couple working on your marriage, that is a fair question that isn’t intended to trap you but rather help to rebuild something the enemy wants to destroy.

Marriage and sexual intimacy were created by God. Ask Him to give desire, patience, persistence, love, honor and healing in your marriage and watch your closeness deepen as you care for one another in this special area.

God bless,

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The Path To Marriage Restoration​

This teaching is Charlyne’s introduction to “How To Stand & Fight For Your Marriage!” Charlyne’s goal is to teach you, a stander, or someone you know with marriage problems, the path to marriage restoration that she has learned over the past twenty-five years.