Charlyne Cares

Are you standing for the restoration of your marriage? A daily devotional that will offer encouragement from God’s Word as you stand for the restoration of your marriage.

How to Have Intimacy in Your Marriage

Today’s devotional is written by Lori Steinkamp Lassen. She is our only daughter, who has been married to her husband, Scott for 26 years. Lori is the mother of four children, and has worked with the ministry for many years. May her devotional deepen your spiritual walk with the Lord. – Charlyne

When talking with people about their marriage, it is not uncommon to hear,

“My spouse and I have not been intimate with each other for some time.” 

The Bible has a lot to say about intimacy and purity. 

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.  Hebrews 13:4 

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.  1 Corinthians 7:3-5 

In Dr. Kevin Leman’s book, Sheet Music – Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, he says:

“If you think sex isn’t important, you are sadly mistaken. Many people have been wounded by sex and hurt by sexual memories. But if you’re married, sex will be one of the most important parts of your life, whether you want it to be that way or not. If you don’t treat sex this way – as a matter of supreme importance – you’re shortchanging yourself, your spouse, and your kids.”  

When my mom started standing for her marriage, she had to do a self-evaluation. She asked the Lord to show her areas where she failed in the marriage. Yes, according to the world’s standards, my dad was the “bad guy,” but in a marriage, there are often two people responsible for the problems. 

Ask the Lord to reveal to you areas where you have failed. He will speak to your heart. Be willing to listen and then be ready to change. You might say, “I only see my spouse every other week when we trade kids. How will he ever know I have changed?” Your spouse will see a change – trust me!

When you run into an old friend you haven’t seen in a while, does that friend get greeted with a glance and a “Hey, how are you?” You probably perk up; greet that friend with a firm handshake or even a hug and a warm, friendly greeting. Why then do we give our spouse, the person we love the most behind our Savior, a cold greeting? It is easy to fall into a routine and get so comfortable with our spouse that we stop trying. If that is happening with the area of physical or emotional intimacy, take control of that today. It is vital to a relationship that both spouses are investing in the marriage. Don’t always wait for your spouse to pursue you. 

Do you know your spouse’s love language? Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages, will be a valuable tool if you need to understand love languages. Is it physical touch, words of affirmation, receiving gifts, quality time, or acts of service? If your spouse’s love language is receiving gifts and you never think to leave a pack of gum in their car with a sweet note, then your spouse is not hearing your efforts. Understanding how your spouse needs to be communicated with is important. When a spouse feels like their spouse is investing in them, they, in turn will feel more like giving back. 

Regardless of where you are in your marriage, separation, or divorce, there is action you can take today regarding intimacy in your marriage. Here are some suggestions:

If you are married, your spouse lives at home –Evaluate your intimate life. Prayerfully seek the Lord and figure out if you have been living up to the commands we are given in Scripture. Decide today that your spouse will not get what is left over but instead get the very best from you. Find one thing today that you can complement your spouse on. Every day look for something else positive to say. It will go a long way towards breaking down walls that may have been built up. 

If your spouse does not live at homeyou have minimal contact, or you have no contact – Reflect on what intimacy looked like when you were together. Prayerfully seek the Lord and figure out if you have been living up to the commands we are given in Scripture. Commit today to remain pure to your marriage vows. It isn’t always easy to do when you are lonely and waiting for a spouse to return home. If you are standing for your marriage – ACT MARRIED! I am married, therefore I don’t date other men, I don’t engage in flirting sessions, I wear my wedding ring, and I am faithful to my vow to my husband. Don’t let Satan tempt you into entering areas where you are not honoring God with your body.

God created the marriage relationship. It honors Him. Society has turned that relationship into something that can be tossed away as if it has no value. Your relationship with Jesus Christ has value, as does your marital relationship. 

If you are looking for more material on these issues:

Audio Teachings (available as CD or MP3) 

Sex and the Stander by Bob and Charlyne Steinkamp

Rebuilding After Restoration by Charlyne Steinkamp with Fabian and Luz

God bless,

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1 month ago

Thank you Lori. Father help us stay committed and faithful even if our spouses aren’t . Help us rebuild our marriages with You at the center.

Firm Foundation
Rain came, wind blew
But my house was built on You
I’m safe with You
I’m gonna make it through

1 month ago

Lately I have been thinking about how nice it would be to hold my husband’s hand. I really miss those things and hope to have them again with him.

Last edited 1 month ago by Alicia

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