I Feel No Love

I am often asked how much love I had for Charlyne when we were remarried. To be honest, I felt no love that day. I was not coming back because of love. I was trying to escape the pain inside me.

Think about a doctor doing painful surgery. In the middle of it, someone asks you to grade the doctor. You would say, “I just want this pain to stop!” That is how I felt on July 7, 1987. God, the Great Physician, was working on my heart.

The Bible describes this in Ezekiel:

“I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them, I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh. Then they will follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. They will be my people, and I will be their God.”  Ezekiel 11:19 20

I went home to stop the pain, not because I felt love. So please do not feel guilty if you think about going home and feel no love. Many prodigal spouses do not return because of strong feelings of love. That feeling often comes later.

Think about a campfire. You build a fire, and it burns bright. Then the rain comes and puts it out. The next day, the wood dries. That night, a small spark starts again. Soon, the fire burns strong again.

Love can be like that fire. Affairs, addiction, and problems can put the fire out. It may seem like it will never burn again. That is how our marriage was. Many people said our marriage was over. But they forgot what God can do.

Think about a red light. If I come to a red light, I stop. Not because I love red lights, but for other reasons. I stop because it is right. I stop because of the law. I stop because of the results if I don’t.

If you are living wrong while your spouse is praying for you, you need to stop. Stop because it is right. Stop because of the harm it brings to your spouse, your children, and even others. Most of all, stop because it hurts God.

God gave me many chances to come home, but I ignored them. I thought I was having fun and felt no love for Charlyne.

In South Florida, when a light turns green, people honk fast if you don’t move. God does something like that. At first, He speaks to us gently. Over time, we may ignore Him. But we never stop hearing Him.

Near our home, workers used a machine to pack down the ground. Everything shook. The noise and shaking were hard to ignore. One day, I was trying to write, but the noise was too much. I finally left just to get peace.

That is how it felt inside me before I went home. God’s voice and conviction became too strong to ignore. On July 7, 1987, I reached my limit. I left to find peace, not love.

That day, God showed me what I needed to do. That night, I slept back in my own bed. The noise inside me stopped.

Then something amazing happened. As I obeyed God, He began to rebuild my love for my wife. Slowly, step by step, love grew again. It became even stronger than before.

I cannot give you a date when love returned. But I can tell you this, God is still growing our love even today.

Do not let feelings decide your choices. Feelings can lie. Learn the difference between love and lust. Be obedient, and God will take care of the rest.

“My sheep listen to my voice, I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish, no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”  John 10:27 30

Because He lives,