For many years I thought I was a good husband and did all the things I had seen on television and in the media. We had our first child right away and quickly moved in together. After a few years, I drifted and was looking for what I thought was the best thing for my needs…which were all self-indulgent and narcissistic. I cheated on my wife a few times and destroyed her with all of my actions for a few years.
During those times, my wife stood for me, the family we had, and our marriage. Despite my infidelity and selfish actions, she found God and a friend whom was a rock for her spirituality while she fought the demons that took me over. She did everything that had to be the hardest for a spouse to have to endure while she waited and prayed for me to come back to her.
I eventually stopped my foolish actions and things were going fairly well until alcohol took over my life. I was just a shell of who I used to be and, again, my wife had to endure not knowing what version of me would come home daily. My employment allowed her to be a stay-at-home mother and I just continued to spiral. Keep in mind, I never took the time to address the hurt I caused during the infidelity or the drinking. She was lost. Forgetting her worth because of me.
When I hit rock bottom and was spiraling. She started to have an emotional affair with another man. After a few months of the start of that, I had a spiritual intervention. I had a dream and God came and put His hand on my forehead and directly told me that He has not left me even though I disregarded him as my God and Savior. He said I will not drink anymore and I will restore my marriage.
He sent from on high, he took me; he drew me out of many waters. He rescued me from my strong enemy and from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me. They confronted me in the day of my calamity, but the Lord was my support. He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me. Psalm 18:16-19 (ESV)Â
The very next day I was sober and I have stayed that way for some time with no urges or anything. Sadly, my wife was and still is heavily involved with the gentleman she found to vent to and soon rely on. We have been in a battle for several months trying to get her to find her way home to me, her husband.
Oddly, I am the one standing now and I have learned so much about my wife during this stand. The amount of sadness, anger, loneliness and depression that the stander bears. I don’t know how she ever did it because mine was physical while hers is currently emotional. I have prayed every night. Prayed over her, anointed the house, prayed for him, prayed for me, begged and pleaded with her and God for my marriage.
I had a dream last night that she was in a dark forest…lost. No light. just looking for the path back home. Evil trying to get her on the path leading away from me. Satan knew he was losing grasp of me and his next move was my wife. He was trying to lure her to his path and I have God and I’m trying to flash a small light and yell for her on the other end of the forest. She was desperately trying to get on the correct path that we were trying to lead her to. God then told me to just trust Him and fear not. He asked why I questioned Him after performing one miracle for me but I still do not believe? I just put my head down and hugged him.
I then woke up, and here I am putting my faith in God again to finish this journey, so my wife and I can help others in God’s name. I believe that is our calling. To give back after we both have been through all aspects of saving a marriage, a covenant that is important to me and God alike!
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV)Â
Shaun in South Dakota
🙏