It Shouldn’t Be like This

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 

“It shouldn’t be like this.” Those words spoken by a friend echoed in my soul. She was frustrated because her attempts at moving on after a divorce were not working. In Genesis chapter 2, we are told that a man and a woman become one flesh after marriage. You cannot easily separate something that has become one. 

I have a couple of friends who have recently walked through a divorce. It breaks my heart. It breaks my heart for them, their children, in-laws, employers, church family, and many others. Divorce doesn’t just impact a husband and a wife. The implications of that divorce are far-reaching.

I wish one of my friends had seen the value in fighting for their marriage. I wish they would have listened to my pleas or anyone else who asked them to slow down and consider fighting for their marriage.

We live in a world where everyone wants to fight for something. Everyone wants to take a stand for ____. You could fill in that blank with hundreds of things. Celebrities are speaking out against things; social media companies are changing algorithms, allowing us to see the content they choose for us to see. But many are not speaking up for marriage. 

Who is fighting for marriage?  

Are you?

Or have you thrown your hands up because it seems impossible?

If not you, then who?

If you won’t fight for your marriage, who will?

I know how devastating this fight is. The loneliness is deafening. The rejection from your spouse is unbearable, and the isolation because your friend group has changed hurts.

You may feel as if your heart is ripping in half.

Ask yourself if you are willing to look beyond the loneliness, rejection, and isolation and fight for your marriage. Are you willing to fight for the marriage of your kids? Your grandkids? Your great-grandkids?

You see, after my parent’s marriage was restored, my dad was not shy about sharing his failures with his kids and grandchildren. I recall sometimes cringing when I would see him sharing with one of my sons, who was barely a pre-teen at the time, about his failure.

Years after his death, choices that are made in my marriage and choices my four kids make are often based on the wisdom that Grandpa Bob passed down. When my husband Scott and I did pre-marital counseling, we verbalized that divorce would not be an option. We have reaffirmed that commitment many times over our 28-year marriage. When you remove the out, you must find a way to work on the problem.

That wisdom from Grandpa is there because one Sunday night, a woman stood alone at an altar when the pastor asked for couples to come up and pray for their marriages to be made new. She stood alone, with no husband by her side, because she was divorced. She stood alone because one day, many months before, she decided that she no longer wanted to be married. She stood alone because the Creator of this world had gotten hold of her heart and expressed His desire for her to have an authentic relationship with Him. That day, Charlyne Steinkamp’s life changed forever.

Are you willing to stand at an altar alone today? Will you do it for your spouse? Will you do it for your children? Will you do it for their future spouses?

It shouldn’t be like this.

People shouldn’t be getting divorced. People shouldn’t be abandoning their families. People shouldn’t be choosing the way of the world instead of the way of the Lord.

Are you ready to stand up and fight for your marriage? Are you prepared to stand alone?

You have all that you need. It is Jesus Christ!

If not you, then who?

I know you may have prayed for months or even years that your marriage would be restored. Instead of putting the list before God of what you want done, try praying, “Lord, may Your will be done.” His will may be that you walk this journey alone a bit longer. His will may be that you face hardship so you can know the strength of His hand to carry you through deep waters.

May our prayer be, Lord, do with our lives what You want.

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen.  Romans 11:36

God bless,