“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9
During a visit from one of our younger grandchildren, I heard the unmistakable sound of something breaking coming from our living room, followed by total silence. I peered around the corner to see that youngster sitting in the middle of the floor, attempting to reassemble a shattered figurine.
That kid might have successfully matched up a couple of the larger pieces. He might have even managed to have a few pieces support one another, but the previous damage would be evident as soon as my wife attempted to dust it.
As a returned prodigal, I once wondered how I could ever hope to rebuild the shattered trust of the spouse I had wronged. If trust has been broken in your marriage, you may wonder the same thing. Is it by promising our trust to our mates? It is doubtful that such a promise would be meaningful right now, especially since we uttered the word “trust” as part of our wedding vows and are just now coming back from trampling all over that.
Trust has not escaped your marriage forever. Your wedding vow and the very covenant of marriage are ones of mutual trust. If you allow God to become the foundation upon which the first floor of your marriage is built, trust can become the second floor. It takes time and work, but that second floor can be built. It is in God’s blueprints for marriage and the Christian family.
When the home next to us was being built, you would hear a steady stream of hammering and machine noise. Since this will be the beautiful new home of the contractor doing the building, you can imagine how well everything is being done.
Pallets of concrete blocks are being moved into place with a crane to construct the second floor. There must be many blocks up there, but the builder is not fretting about whether the second floor will be too heavy and topple his home. He has confidence in the foundation and the first floor he is building.
Once you have confidence in the foundation of your marriage and the first floor of your home is in place, you are ready to add that second floor of trust, block by block.
The only time construction ceases during the day is right after the warble-toned horn of the lunch wagon or “roach coach” is heard. Work ceases. While working to rebuild the trust in your marriage, be careful to ignore the warble tone coming from any other person of the opposite sex. Regardless of how sincere the reason is, the job of rebuilding trust will stop. In addition, some of the walls of rebuilding that have already been put up will come crashing down.
Trust was rebuilt in our marriage one block at a time. Neither my wife nor I could tell you the day trust was returned. It came about block by block until we realized the project was done.
May I offer you a breaking illustration? My wife, Charlyne, was completing a form and needed my driver’s license number. “May I go in your wallet and get it?” she asked.
I was occupied with something else and agreed without giving her request much thought. Then I remembered the years when my wallet was off-limits to my wife. If she needed something from there, I would get it. She could have located a few dollars I had concealed in there or spotted an encrypted phone number or anything else that a faithful Christian husband should not have hidden in his wallet.
Once again, I could assure my wife that nothing I had was off-limits to her. While I appreciated her asking permission to browse through my wallet, I told her she was welcome to enter my wallet, my van, my email, or anything else at any time without my permission.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
My friend, there is so much freedom in being able to say that to your spouse. I pray that you will start on your foundation of Christ, then build a strong first floor of faithfulness so that the second floor of trust will always stand strong, regardless of Satan’s schemes to break trust.
On the way to healing in your marriage, be careful to live in such a way as to build trust, one step at a time.
It is worth every effort.