Charlyne Cares

Are you standing for the restoration of your marriage? A daily devotional that will offer encouragement from God’s Word as you stand for the restoration of your marriage.

Should I Contact My Spouse?

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” declares the Lord.  Isaiah 55:8 

We had an email from a female stander who explained how she was being tempted to call her absent husband and that she was “weakening” in resisting calling him. The person explained how she had been told that if she contacted him, she was interfering with God, and if it was God’s work, her husband would come to her.

To set the stage for what happened to her, we need to share part of our reply to her email:

“Charlyne and I understand that a few people (the minority) say that standers should not originate contact with their spouse. There is a huge difference between manipulating, hounding, or begging a prodigal mate (which should not be done) and following the leading of the Holy Spirit and being sensitive to how He wants to use you to touch your spouse. That is allowing God to work on a spouse.

“When we were divorced, Charlyne would call me frequently with family news or other things she knew I would want to know. She also sent me cards for birthdays and special occasions, which always arrived at exactly the right (or wrong) time.” Much more is written about this in “The Prodigal’s Perspective.

Several days passed, and then we received this beautiful message, which I share with permission:

“I prayed and prayed and then contacted you about prayer and understanding if I was hearing God’s voice or my own. You had a simple response, why not contact him if God is telling you so. I didn’t think God would tell me to call. I felt from listening to friends that God wouldn’t have me contact him, but the other way, if it was coming from God. In other words, stay out of it. So for days I prayed to only do God’s will, and asked Him to close all opportunities if it wasn’t time or God’s will. 

“I picked up the phone and called my husband. He was very happy to hear from me and immediately asked if he could come over in the evening. We had a wonderful evening together. He seemed to enjoy talking to me, so different from past episodes. He kept hanging around and didn’t want to leave, and kept finding excuses to stay. He finally said he loved me and missed me sincerely, not forced or out of guilt. When he left this morning, he just said bye. I accepted it and didn’t panic and pressure him. I just hugged him and said bye. 

“I wanted to tell you how thankful I am God led me to your site. It has saved my life and helped me persevere, because everyone in my life tells me to move on and that my husband is not worth it. But my heart won’t hear of it. At the beginning God told me ‘to hang on, that it would be the most painful experience, but to hang on.’ I have learned total humility and patience. 

“My husband is in shock that I’m still waiting after all he has done to try and make me hate him. He has tried his hardest. I want to give God all the praise and glory because I really am starting to see prayers answered when I was at the point of giving up completely. I have some strong Christian friends who have tried to convince me God doesn’t want us to suffer and be mistreated and to go ahead and divorce. I hope your ministry helps thousands more in standing and never giving up.”  

Amen and amen! No one knows God’s time, but there is one more marriage on the way to restoration, all because a prodigal spouse heard that he was still loved and wanted. How did it all start? By a wounded person listening to God, picking up the phone and calling the man she loves and is standing and praying for.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh   Genesis 2:24 

The way that your prodigal mate will come (or come back) to Christ, and then home to you, is for them to see Christ in you. Contacting a prodigal spouse to encourage them, when led by the Holy Spirit, is one way we can be Christ-like to our beloved. The Bible does not teach that God withholds Himself from us, His children, so we will “miss” Him. That is the reasoning and scheming of man, not of our Lord God.

We each need to learn how to know when the Holy Spirit is beckoning, and when our own plans and desires get in the way. When an individual knows that God is directing them toward a specific action, woe be to the person who attempts to thwart those plans.

As this stander expressed so well in her email, we know when the Holy Spirit of God is moving us to action; to becoming His hands and arms. If the Lord Jesus directs you toward a specific action for your prodigal spouse, we pray that you will always be obedient. When God says “Go,” do not let people tell you “No.”

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”  John 10:27 

Let us add that there are many standers who do not know where their spouse is or with whom their spouse has forbidden contact. If that is your situation, start praying specifically that the Holy Spirit will soften your spouse’s heart, suddenly and now, moving and changing your particular circumstances.

Because He lives,

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9 days ago

Thank you for Bob’s perspective. Father may we always follow Your leading.

I’m leaping over a thousand fences
And running like a child in open fields
I’m leaving comfort to chase Your presence
That wind I felt before, I wanna feel

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The Path To Marriage Restoration​

This teaching is Charlyne’s introduction to “How To Stand & Fight For Your Marriage!” Charlyne’s goal is to teach you, a stander, or someone you know with marriage problems, the path to marriage restoration that she has learned over the past twenty-five years.