I was married many years before my wife wanted out of our marriage. I didn’t want the divorce and was willing to fight and do whatever it took to have my marriage and family. We went to church and worship services as a family but had a mask that would come off when we got home. I understand now that I am on the outside looking into where things went wrong in our marriage. I believe people get comfortable in a relationship and we sometimes lose our focus and purpose of what a marriage is supposed to represent.
That was just one of my problems and issues in our marriage. I encourage every man to look at themselves and evaluate what contributions you made to make the relationship not work. Sometimes we need to point the finger at ourselves before pointing the finger at someone else. I did so many things wrong, simple things. Like not telling her she was beautiful or supporting her during points in her life that were important. I was so disconnected from my family and the role of a godly husband and father that I did things that were wrong to her and to myself.
Certain things that we do as men will cause a woman’s heart to not trust or respect you as a man anymore. This has been one of the hardest trials that I have ever had to go through. I have been through the fire, storm and pressures of life. Men, I want to encourage you to become men of integrity even through the hurt and pain that you are facing standing for your marriage.
I had to move two houses by myself. I lost my home and cars; had to move into a home with my mother and sister. My mother almost died twice last year. I came close to suicide after I had moved my mother into her new townhouse and got rid of her sister and boyfriend from her old house. I stayed behind and continued to live in my mother’s old home for a year, with no running water, heat or food. I had no TV to watch and didn’t miss watching it. I was in a state of depression and in death mode, with one leg on the ground and one in the grave. I had no other choice but to hear from God and turn to Him.
Eventually I moved into my mother’s new townhouse and slowly started on a journey of restoration and healing. I currently now watch the children while my wife goes to work for her second job. I coach my son’s baseball team and take my other son to all his basketball games. I am very supportive of her needs and my children’s needs. And do whatever it takes to provide for and take care of her and my family.
My wife has moved on to dating other men, but has told me that I have grown into an amazing father now. I know that God has a plan and a purpose. He has told me several times to not look at the natural of what she is doing and focus more on the spiritual side, with fasting and praying, knowing that He is working on my behalf. So I go far beyond the call of duty taking care of my family, to the point of sometimes not having enough to eat for my own. People ask me why I do what I do when I don’t have to. I ask them why does God do what He does for us when He doesn’t have to.
I have truly come to know how God feels when He is hurt, because everything that I do for my wife and children is genuine and unconditional love. And it hurts with extreme pain seeing and not receiving that love back in return from a person. God wants us to love, pray and worship Him in spirit and truth. It hurts Him when we don’t pray and worship Him.
I want nothing more than to have my wife and family restored back, but I know in order to have that done, God must first get the head of the house in order and align everything up according to His will and plan. Sometimes God must tear things apart in order to rebuild it for His glory. I know that we must be built on the firm foundation of God, believing and trusting His plan for our making and victory.
I encourage every man to continue to show your wife unconditional love. I encourage every man to stand, pray, worship and watch God move. Be that man of integrity that God has called you to be.
Rick in Illinois