The Art of Affirmation

How Giving Compliments Can Strengthen Your Marriage

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  Ephesians 4:29

We went to a memorial service recently and listened to friends and family share wonderful stories and admiration for our friend who had passed away. Each time I am at a funeral, I always wonder if the person who died was aware of how grateful people were for their presence in their lives.

Our words have great power. They are either building up or tearing down our spouse. Are you good about showing your spouse appreciation? Do you find it easy to shower them with compliments?

Before my kids were even able to read, I gave them a special Valentine’s Day treat. I take construction paper and make hearts that I hang on their bedroom doors. On each heart, I will write out some of the reasons I love them and what I appreciate about them. Over the years, they have looked forward to this annual tradition. Even as adults, they will still be getting their hearts filled with compliments.

Dr. Gary Chapman says that words of affirmation are one of the five love languages. For some, those words may come easily, but if you aren’t a person who is moved by words, it may be hard to shower someone with kind words.

We need to be intentional about showing our spouses appreciation with our words. It is easy to yell across the kitchen, “Thanks for taking the trash out,” but how can we make showing our appreciation more meaningful?

I want to challenge you to make giving your spouse a meaningful compliment a daily habit. You can decide how to do this or you may want to mix it up and add some originality to your appreciation.

• • Tuck a note of appreciation in your spouse’s sock drawer for them to find later.
  • As your spouse leaves for work, instead of a rushed goodbye, take a minute to look them in the eyes and sincerely thank them for working so hard.
  • Leave a note on the steamy bathroom mirror for your spouse to find after their hot shower.
  • Set an alarm on your phone to send your spouse a text each day.

What are some other ways you can show your spouse words of appreciation?

I understand that for some of you, coming up with compliments will be challenging. You may be in a season of hardship in your marriage. I hurt for those who are going through that. If that is you, I don’t want you to skip over this challenge. Instead, I want you to pray and ask the Lord to show you the things that you can appreciate about your spouse. Was yesterday a good day with no arguing? Then, genuinely thank them for helping there be peace in your home for that one day.

You may find that shifting your focus to come up with a compliment begins to change your relationship. It is easy to come up with a list of annoyances. Maybe your spouse leaves dirty clothes on the floor, water bottles on the couch, or makes you sick with their driving. When you are being intentional about looking for the good, it will help you focus on the person who was created in God’s image and see how amazing they are.

Let me know in the comments the unique ways you can tell your spouse how much you appreciate them.

I can’t wait to hear how this simple exercise causes a change in your marriage!

Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.  Proverbs 16:24

God bless,