My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you. James 1:19-21
It may feel like you are on a carousel in your marriage. You have one good day, and then the next is filled with chaos and anger. You try to keep the peace. You try to be forgiving and kind, but you realize how you fall short day after day.
On our Fight for Your Marriage Podcast, we have noticed that the episodes where someone is sharing a testimony have more listeners than the episodes where we teach about a spiritual principle or discipline.
In our ministry, we have seen that living out in our engagements with others as well. Some people didn’t want to sit through a Bible study. Instead, they wanted to have a person tell them how to get to the finish line of that prayer they had been praying. Or they want someone to give them the shortcut to forgiving someone who wronged them.
When my kids were little and we took them to Disney World, they were convinced that the person signing their autograph book was Mickey Mouse. To them, he was as real as I was. Later, they began to realize that it was a person in a costume. It was not real.
You may be wearing the costume of Christianity. From the outside, you look the part. You may roll up to church every weekend with your Bible in hand and your family filing in behind you. You may even raise your hand in worship or drop a check in the offering, but if you haven’t had your identity changed by an interaction with Jesus Christ, you are no different than a person wearing a costume.
It is easy to play the part when you have on the Christian costume until it isn’t. When you are at home and where you feel most comfortable, do you remove the costume and let the real person come out?
You may struggle with anger or showing your spouse love. You may have an addiction to alcohol or pornography. You may read this and think, “That’s not me,” but what about those lies you constantly tell everyone? You have lied so often about things that aren’t even important you don’t know how to stop telling lies.
You don’t need a costume or a person to tell you how to love your spouse better, how to stop being angry, or how to forgive when someone offends you. You need a transformation from Jesus Christ.
It starts with Jesus.
If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9
It will be impossible in your marriage to be a good spouse. We can’t do it in our strength. We will fail every time we try to have a good marriage.
James talks about being quick to listen, slow to speak, getting rid of anger and moral filth. That can’t be done in your power. God can equip us to lean into His power as we are transformed into God’s image. That is when you will see change, success, and true love in your marriage.
It starts with Jesus.
If you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, will you pray today? You need to admit that you are a sinner (Romans 3:23). You need to believe that Christ paid the penalty for your sins when He died on the cross and rose again (Romans 5:8). Then you can confess with your mouth these things and watch Jesus transform you (Romans 10:9).
When you remove the costume, stop acting, and let Jesus Christ change your life, you will see your marriage transformed.
Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom and continues in it — not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do. James 1:22-25
God bless,
