Mark 10 Nine

Are you happily married and looking for tips on maintaining a God-honoring marriage? This weekly devotional will give you encouragement for your marriage.

Using Questions to Improve Your Marriage

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.  James 1:19-20

In the Bible, Jesus is known to ask a lot of questions. He obviously knew the answers, but He still used questions often in His ministry. Jesus was the Master Teacher, so let’s learn from him. Asking questions of each other is a way to gain understanding of ourselves and others.

Questions are a great way to open communication with your spouse. However, there are some things to remember when using questions to communicate.

Set aside time to ask the questions and be up front with your spouse about the plan. If a date night is hard to do right now, maybe you can set aside time to talk when your kids go to bed. Going for a drive is also a great way to get communication going. You are stuck in the car, shoulder to shoulder, with nowhere to go.

Start the conversation focused on the goal. Hopefully, there is a mutual goal that you both want what is best for your marriage. You may hear things in this question-and-answer session that are new to you. If the goal is a strong and healthy marriage, be willing to be uncomfortable for the sake of growth.

When you ask a question to your spouse, it’s crucial to listen to their response. This means refraining from immediate reactions, defensiveness, or counter-arguments. Simply listen to the answers your spouse provides. This will be a key step as you seek to improve your communication.

When you are answering the questions that your spouse asks, try to be concise. Be careful that you don’t start bringing up other frustrations that don’t apply to the question your spouse asked.

Here are six questions to get you started:

    1. How satisfied are you with the way we communicate? What would improve our communication?
    2. What would you like to see change in the way we relate to one another?
    3. Is there an example of a way I have shown you love recently?
    4. Is there an example of a way I have not shown you love well?
    5. What are one or two relationship goals you have for us in the coming months?
    6. What is something I can do this week to help lighten your load?

Both of you should ask and answer each question before moving on. Remember that being vulnerable is going to help your marriage grow. If you aren’t sure you understand your spouse, you can use a phrase like, “So what I am hearing is that …” This will help you not put words in your spouse’s mouth but truly seek to understand what they are saying.

When you are done with your questions, end your time together in prayer. This would also be a great time to share a hug. My prayer is that you walk away from this time together feeling understood and like you understand your spouse.

Happy chatting!

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.  Ephesians 4:29

God bless,

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