Restored and Redeemed

Has your marriage been restored? Restored & Redeemed is a devotional for those in a restored marriage.

What Are You Focused On?

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.  Philippians 4:8 

The mind is complex to understand, yet in the Bible, we are instructed to make sure our minds are focused on the right things. According to Northwestern Medicine, the brain travels 268 miles per hour. That is a lot of processing happening.

In 2 Corinthians 10:5, we are told to take every thought captive. How is that going for you? A portion of your marriage is going to be manufactured in your mind. What are you focused on? Are you looking for the good in your spouse, or are you looking for that one habit that annoys you?

Have you ever looked at a picture puzzle where one person sees the image one way, and another person sees it entirely differently? Do you remember the great dress debate a few years ago where some people saw a gold and white dress and others saw black and blue? How could two people see the same image so differently?

In marriage, two spouses see things differently all the time. Lucky for you, the person you married is not an identical replica of yourself. You may have even married someone totally opposite. Instead of seeing the difficulty in that, embrace the beauty that your spouse brings to the relationship with their different mindset and personality.

When you were in the depths of your marriage problems, I would guess some words were exchanged that were not Christlike. If you were like my dad, when he was away from home, he constantly said things like,

I’m never coming home.

You aren’t adjusting to reality.

I don’t love you anymore.

He changed those words when he came home, and he and my mom reconciled their relationship. He spent the rest of his life making sure his mind focused on the right things, not the things the enemy wanted to use to cause strife in their relationship.

When you change your thinking, you can modify the neural pathways in your brain. You can create new behaviors that make a change in your thinking.

I have a habit of overcommitting. When I commit to something it is usually going to involve my husband. He, on the other hand, is a cautious person and slow to commit. I signed up to be a volunteer babysitter for a local pregnancy home. My husband agreed this would be a good fit for me as long as he didn’t have to get involved. He claimed it wasn’t his calling.

A few weeks in, we discovered this was not just my calling but his as well. He had to do things like take me to meet up with a single mother late at night to drop off her baby, or we had to give rides, buy clothes, and help a young mom understand how to mature quickly now that she has a baby. Scott could have focused on the disruptions my ministry was causing our family, but instead, he allowed the Lord to shift his focus. He changed his thinking and began seeing people who needed guidance. He saw babies who needed to feel loved and he eventually jumped in and let his heart be changed.

He tells me now how thankful he is that he didn’t miss the blessing our volunteering is because he had a different mindset going in. How can you embrace the differences in your spouse?

I want to challenge you to spend every day asking God to align your thoughts with His. Instead of focusing on the differences you see in your spouse, concentrate on how those differences bless and encourage you.

Then, please take another step. Write your spouse a letter and share some of those beautiful and encouraging words that you are focused on. What a lovely gift you could give your Valentine by writing these words on paper.

God is doing something new in your restored marriage! Ask God to shift your focus every day so you see those new things in this amazing relationship.

God bless,



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The Path To Marriage Restoration​

This teaching is Charlyne’s introduction to “How To Stand & Fight For Your Marriage!” Charlyne’s goal is to teach you, a stander, or someone you know with marriage problems, the path to marriage restoration that she has learned over the past twenty-five years.